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Nudist Resort Plans Low-Key Approach

The new owner of the Suwannee Valley Campground, in northern Columbia County near White Springs, isn’t seeking attention for her business.

In fact, B.G. Parkes said her goal is to maintain a very low profile.

“They won’t even know we’re here,” she said. “It will be quiet.”

Despite her reassurances, some nearby residents already know Parkes and a business partner have bought the campground and they’re concerned about changes planned for the business.

Parkes said she and her business partner, Tom Gillenwater, plan to spend $350,000 to renovate the 30-acre campground on the Suwannee River. In May, the campground will change names to Suwannee Valley Resort and guests will have the option of wearing clothes or nothing at all.

“It’s a private resort,” Parkes said. “We don’t want to cause problems.”

Stephen Williams, 68, said he is worried about his property value plummeting when people learn a nudist resort is operating about 500 feet from the house he has lived in the past 32 years.

“I’m not particularly concerned about the lifestyle,” he said. “I’m concerned about the county’s image. It hurts other people’s opportunities to make a living.”

Williams said a nudist resort could harm the county’s efforts to promote eco-tourism on the Suwannee River and throughout the region.

“This river is international in scope,” he said. “It’s revered throughout the world.”

Parkes, who is also the director of an organization called Bare Buns Bikers, said an eight-foot fence will be erected around the campground’s perimeter and guests will be met by security at the entrance.

Gillenwater said “no trespassing” signs will be posted around the resort’s perimeter. Signs inside the resort will remind guests where they are not allowed unless they are clothed. Rule breakers will lose membership privileges at the resort and be asked to leave, he said.

“We want to make sure everyone’s protected, not offended,” he said. “Our security is our No. 1 priority.”

Other plans include improvements to roads and existing structures, as well as opening a restaurant and bar at the site for guests.

And a thorough background check will be conducted on all members and their guests staying at the campground.

“Our security standards are very strict,” Parkes said. “No one with a criminal history will be allowed in. We will not have any riff-raff. We don’t want to cause any problems.”

Parkes said most guests will arrive in recreation vehicles or cars, though some people will ride motorcycles to the resort.

Most guests will be aged from the mid 40s to mid 70s and have a higher education and income than average. Many members are military veterans, she said.

Bill Ferry is another resident who is curious about the campground’s future. Ferry has worked at the campground doing general maintenance more than a year. He agreed to stay on as an employee after Parkes and Gillenwater bought the site.

“I’m not sure what the transition will be like,” Ferry said. “If this isn’t the lifestyle for us, we’ll move on.”

But Ferry said it’s likely he will stay and doesn’t think White Springs residents will have any complaints.

“People who are being negative have to look at the positive,” he said. “These are great people to work with who have big plans.”

During events that attract large groups to the area, such as the Suwannee River Jam, resort guests will be transported in vans provided by Parkes and Gillenwater to minimize traffic in the White Springs area.

Carolyn Hawkins, spokeswoman for the American Association for Nude Recreation, said nudist resorts typically help local economies.

Hawkins said owners of other resorts affiliated with her organization, founded in 1931, follow strict guidelines to guarantee the privacy of guests and respect the surrounding community.

“When they are affiliated with us, they know what standards they have to follow,” she said. “The owner of that property will follow all the procedures.”

Hawkins said the appeal to many nudists is that all barriers are dropped when they visit a clothing optional resort.

“They do have all walks of life,” she said. “Not wearing clothes, you don’t have anything to judge them on.”

Williams said he realizes there is little he can do to stop the resort from opening. He simply hopes the owners live up to their promise to run the business in a responsible manner that will not offend others in the community.

“I really want them to live up to what they say they will do,” he said. “I’m glad they sound like they are going to be low key.”
2011.10.14 / no responses / Category: Nudist News
Britney Spears Buys A Nudist Resort

The little blonde rich girl Britney Spears has just announced that she has finally achieved her life-long dream. She has just signed the papers and is now the full and complete owner of her very own nudist resort.

Ms. Spears is thrilled at the fact that she will now be able to let her hair down and just walk around totally nude and not have to worry about any paparazzi clamoring to try and photograph her tata’s, her wazoo, or her yum-yum.

Britney said that she first found out about The Naked As A Jaybird Nudist Resort while surfing the Internet looking for a recipe for chocolate chip and avocado cookies.

She read where the owners of the nudist resort Lazlo and Layla Luxland were wanting to sell because Layla had developed some extremely noticeable cellulite on her thighs and ass (butt) and Lazlo’s wiener (dick) had begun to atrophy from too much sun.

The Luxland’s who have no health insurance, medical insurance, or dental insurance will take part of the money from the sale of the nudist resort and use it towards a cellulite (cottage cheese) removal surgery for Layla and a peter (dong) transplant for Lazlo.

Meanwhile Britney is reportedly ecstatic at the purchase of her new “Toy.” She was asked how much she paid for her nudist resort and she refused to say.

She was asked again and said that no one knew except for her, her business manager, her attorney, and Lazlo and Layla Luxland.

Wrong again “Oops who do I think I’m kidding” breath. A phone call was made to Mr. Larry King and he was asked if he knew how much Britney Spears had paid for her brand new California nudist resort. Larry laughed and asked is Rosie O’Donnell a lesbian? Is Osama Bin Laden a raghead? and is Glenn Beck a crybaby?

The answers to those three questions were yes, yes, and hell yes. Larry said that the Luxlands sold The Naked As A Jaybird Nudist Resort to Britney Spears for $13.8 million, with a down payment of $6.9 million and 60 monthly payments of $115,000.
2009.11.17 / no responses / Category: Nudist News